What I am,What I am not.

there are some things I'd like to share. Somethings more or less that need to get out of my heeead.
So after smoking some stuff and eating these chicken pizza things..it's time to share.

Germphobic- I never leave the house without Lysol or purrell. It's a good thing if I have both. I have come to hate germs mainly for one thing..People are nasty..when it comes to everything!! People taking shits on trains,Putting boogers on food, just plain bad hygiene. There are pass entries with dealing with people,(and I'm talking about well off people too, not just the homeless) and I felt the need to vomit. I'm mainly more or less paranoid of catching things. chicago has made me more aware of things I touch in public and how to avoid puke. Also it's always good to look before you sit on ANY public transportation. You might get a wet warm surprise. Friend learned the hard way. I also hate malls simply because I have a bad reaction to them. Every mall I ever been it my hands would start to itch and swell up. Every single mall. In Chicago, walking around Normstorms and Nieman Marcus also resulted in swollen hands. And it's because of all the unwashed hands that touch everything in a mall. People don't wash their hands enough. And I found out the less I touch when visiting the less my hands look like I smashed them in a door. I also wore surgical masked I nicked from the hospital. It was needed. I am mainly clean and like clean stuff. I keep a clean space and try to get rid of necessary junk constantly even though I am a bit of a pack rack, (GO figure right there.) I also like to organized and keep a pattern, Keeps me leveled, keeps me on top of things. Mainly keeps me OCD.

My favorite word is asshole.

Nerd for life- Nerd is a cool thing now. Sucks for us who are really nerds and people call us posers. We nerds aren't a trend. We got our stripes for taking other people's bullshit and still doing what we enjoy. The minute star trek becomes lame again there will still be the trekkies trekking on. I have been a nerd for many years. My days of going to gifted schools,being a fatty,reading goosebump books during recess and actually paying attention was my demise. I then spend my early teenage years on the computer and sims. Those awkward years proved to go alot smoother since I found the internet and my mother caved in an bought me a laptop. I also read alot of comics. I grew up on Marvel and Archie. My best memories involved heading down to the arcade with my pop and getting the new latest issues. Or requesting a list of Archies when my mother headed to the store and hope there was a Betty and Veronica digest out. (Betty lost:( Atleast it wasn't Cheryl Blossom again,Fuck that red head snatch.) As I got older the Manga and indie shit was where it was at. I love comics. They are necessary and much needed. Comics got me through life which is why I want to go into it. I wanna give back.
Some people say I am too hip or cool to be a nerd. But I'm 24 I had time to develop into the sweet thang I am not. I do not want to show you all the hideous outfits I wore. Or the how socially awkward I was. I was never cool,never popular. Just a dork with a few friends that liked me for me. That's all that's needed really. I also was able to get into music and love it and geek out to it just as much as I do other things. Though I am a bit of an fucking elitist but whatever.. Just because I learned how to dress and listen to sweet tunes does not make me less of a nerd. I also learned not to care. Me not giving a shit about what other people think of me became the best decision I ever made. I never made the cool choice ever, I made my own choice. Kids need to understand that.
As I write this, Batgirl is staring at me giving me a thumbs up.

I managed to save up 30 dollars worth in pennies. A hundred is something I am trying my hardest not to do.

I am trying to be a mellow person. There is nothing that seriously in my life to get stressed out about. So you are broke. So what? You don't have the shit you want. So what? I could be living on the streets or laying up in a hospital bed somewhere. I take how things are going very well. Seriously.
I have come to learn to live by this, Things are useless after a couple of years. Out of date,out of style. Spending your money on something that won't be worth anything the minute you take it out of the box,shouldn't be the worst of you concerns. Stuff comes and goes. If I have the money,I get it. If I don't,oh well. Life is not about how much you have, it's about how much you learn assholes. Get it right. If you start measuring your life in the things you have then you have a pretty fucking dull life.
Best thing I ever learned form movie is, "don't let people burrow things you would really miss and never burrow something that they'd miss. Also if you loose something if can always be replaced."
I don't get into drama and I am pretty trouble free. I don't come with babies and ex-boyfriend drama. I'm not as insecure as other girls. You want me, You want me. If you don't, oh well. Just don't waste my time. My time is precious and I don't want to waste it on you. Unrequited love isn't worth the effort. I don't want any dudes fighting over me and I know how to show my appreciation with my dude. I am way more interesting without involving Passive-Aggressive bullshit. But if you are into that type of thing..Why waste my time. I'm not looking for a husband or some dude to knock me up. I like how this turned into me ranting about dudes instead of describing my mellow and non crazy ways, geez. Just be open and honest about things. White lies aren't bad.

Blah. There is more to share but that's it for now. i'm sure more entries like this will happen. Joy.


I sometimes feel bad about not doing things I feel I should. I know there are tons of people out there on the same boat and sitting around wondering where life is going. But let's be real they aren't thinking about me and I'm not thinking about them. I have my own struggles to deal with. It's been almost a year since I came back. I had a semi-okay job but lost it to red tape and random things. I'm sure half of the staff is gone,I watch them pick people off WHILE I was working there, I imagine because the store doesn't make any money and the tension and resentment towards each other can only lead to even worst sales. Maybe I am resentful because I was laid off. But really..how long did you think I'd keep working for a place where someone stole from me and five others? Get real. There is nothing in the world I want that I need to put up with bullshit.
I feel my life should never be about how much I have or how many people I showed up, it all about how much I learned over the years, I want to live a decent life full of things.
I'm down not out. Today my mother told me I should push doing my comics. I have been slowly trying to but I really do need tools. and I hope to get them soon. New job please!!!